Binding: CD-ROM
Label: SIMON & SCHUSTER @ TRADE
Manufacturer: SIMON & SCHUSTER @ TRADE
Publication Date: 1995
Publisher: SIMON & SCHUSTER @ TRADE
Studio: SIMON & SCHUSTER @ TRADE

Customer Rating:
Summary: Interesting read, not lots of depth
Comment: In Vital Friends, Tom Rath makes two main points.

* One is that having friends at work is very beneficial to the employer. With a best friend at work, you are much more likely to be productive. Without a best friend at work, there's only a 1 in 12 chance you'll feel engaged! With three good friends at work you are 96% more likely to be extremely satisfied with your life. (All the numbers are from a Gallup poll.)

* The second point he makes is that you can't expect all your friends to be all things to you. He says different friends fullfill different needs and describes the different types of friends:

o Builders
+ Motivators and coaches
+ They push you
+ They know our strengths
+ They provide moral support
o Champions
+ Stand up for you
+ Sing your praises
+ "Thrive on your accomplishments and happiness"
o Collaborators
+ Share similar interests, ambitions and passions
+ Do a lot with you
o Companions
+ Always there for you
+ Make sacrifices for you
+ First person you call
o Connectors
+ Always introduce you to others
+ They seem to "know everybody"
o Energizers
+ Your "fun friends"
+ Make good days, great
+ People you call to have a good time or to relax with
o Mind Openers
+ Ask good questions
+ People you share ideas and express yourself outloud with
o Navigators
+ Give advise
+ Steer you
+ Share dreams and goals

Interestingly, he says that in friendships we don't play the same role to each other. So you might be a mind opener to your friend and your friend might be a champion for you.

This book was an easy and interesting read. You can easily read it in a day. (I read it on a two hour plane ride.) However, I would have liked a lot more detail and depth.

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Customer Rating:
Summary: Friends--- More Than Just a "Good Idea"
Comment: I've heard of good friends, close friends, old friends, casual friends, best friends, even "just" friends, but I had never heard the word "vital" to describe friends until this book. And that is exactly what Tom Rath proceeds to explain, that having friends, real, meaningful engaged relationships, is absolutely vital to our health, our well-being, and our personal and professional success. Not "a good idea" or "important" but actually "vital"- absolutely necessary.

He starts the book by stating that so much of the focus on personal and professional success is on self-improvement. But is that really the key? His answer is, "The energy between two people is what creates great marriages, families, teams, and organizations." In fact, his first chapter is entitled, "Who Expects You to be Somebody?" where he wisely observes that it is almost always the influence of meaningful people in our lives that drives us to achievement.

The second chapter, "The Energy Between," discusses how, "Focusing on the individual is too narrow -- and focusing on the entire group is too broad. The real energy occurs in each connection between two people, which can bring about exponential returns." His next chapter, "Better than Prozac?" cites some interesting research, including a Duke University study showing people with less than four close friends had more than double the risk of heart disease.

The most helpful concept he develops in the book is that of "the rounding error" in chapter 5. It is easy, he says, to expect a friend to be "well rounded"-- in other words, to be good at everything: inspiring us, being a companion to us, giving us an energy boost, expanding our horizions, and a dozen other different things. This often subconscious expectation is both unrealistic (no one person can meet all our relationship needs) and a potential relationship killer, both in friendships and in romance and marriage.

In a similar vein, he warns us of expecting friendships to be "reciprocal." In other words, I may be an energizer to my friend, but he may be a mind opener for me. Expecting to receive the same of what I give to a friend again is both unrealistic and a potential relationship killer. I surmise that is why the Duke health research found that it takes at least four close friends-- because different people will speak different things into your life, and you need different kinds of friends to have well-balanced friend "nutrition" for your soul, just as you need different foods from different groups to give your body what it needs.

The second part of the book goes into more detail about the vital importance of friends at work, citing both anecdotes and research. The final part of the book more fully develops his system of eight vital friendship roles:

Builder
Champion
Collaborator
Companion
Connector
Energizer
Mind Opener
Navigator

He discusses how these roles differ and how to develop these roles both in your life and in the lives of your friends. The book also gives you an access code to a website where you can take a survey to help classify your own friends as to the roles they play in your life.

I realized the importance of my friends before I picked up this book. But after reading Vital Friends, I had more appreciation of my friends, new insights into the nature of our friendships, and greater skills & determination to develop our friendships further.

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Customer Rating:
Summary: Thinking about friends
Comment: My book club read Vital Friends last week. The men responded well to it; the women seemed lukewarm. All of us liked the book's values.

Rath's survey study reveals surprising connections between productivity and policies promoting friendship at work. Rath also developed a structure for analyzing dynamic components common among friends, a structure available on-line.

Our book club men found the analysis especially revealing when applied to their personal lives. Our women were less inspired, perhaps because thinking about friendship was not such uncharted territory.

I liked Vital Friends much better after talking about the issues it raises. The bottom line: thinking aloud about friendship is important to both private and public well-being.

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Customer Rating:
Summary: Friends At Work
Comment: Learn how valuable your friends are, and then go one step further by developing friendships with your co-workers.

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Customer Rating:
Summary: Not disquieting at all
Comment: I disagree with the reviewer who liked the book but found it disquieting. Rath simply shows the value of friendships at work. The part the reviewer found disquieting was where Rath shows how the friendships can be used in productivity. He is not, in any way, fostering the idea that we become friends with someone because of what they can do for us at work. He is encouraging business leaders to create an environment where natural friendships are encouraged and showing them that such an environment will reward them as well because their happy and content employees will produce more and better work results and will not be out of work due to illness.

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